April 20 – it sounded perfect. I instantly went to my planner and circled that Spring day. I could see it then – a day full of joy, love and growth for our family.
Sweet baby,
Today would have been your due date. Instead of welcoming you, we are taking a few moments to remember what would have been – a growing belly, ten tiny toes and those sleepless nights people warn us about but I was oh so ready to welcome.
I remember the day the pregnancy test showed positive like it was yesterday. The first positive we had ever had after 5 years of trying and being disappointed months after month, we finally saw those double lines. We did IVF and against all advice, I tested early because I knew I had you with me. We were so excited and the next week the doctor confirmed it was true! We were going to be parents and since the surprise was already somewhat taken away doing IVF (our family knew we were doing shots and transfers), we told our parents too!
Your dad and I would have picked the absolute perfect name for you, after many lists of elimination I am sure. I already had my list going.
I wold have been panicked going into this new season of life in the middle of a pandemic but it would have been worth it.
It’s all too crazy to think how different our priorities would be right now if you were joining us. I don’t know why you weren’t able to be here on Earth with us, but I do know a little bit of my heart went with you that August day.
Not a day goes by that I don’t think about you and want to be a better person because of it.
I don’t share to be stuck in the past – or to seem like I am not looking forward for what God has in store for us – But to remember you my little one.
♥ With Love.
When we first shared about our miscarriage, I realized it was much more common than we ever knew, 1 in 4 actually. Family and friends shared heartfelt stories with us as well as the online community as we went through this last year. This is not something you have to go through alone ♥
My Spool of Life 