October is here and is harder than I imagined. Last year, I was sitting here on this couch, hopeful as we started our first round of IVF after two failed IUIs. Hopeful it would be the final holidays we would spend without a little one. Hopeful we could make our dream to be parents come true and hopeful that our decision that month would change our future!
IVF wasn’t the first option we turned to in and we didn’t stick with the first clinic we thought we would. Part 1 of our story starts with IUIs (Intrauterine Insemination).
IUI #1
At our first clinic, I remember sitting in the office so nervous. I didn’t know what to expect, what questions to ask – frankly I depended a lot on what I read online. I was so thankful for an online community because I didn’t know anyone at the time who was also sitting in those waiting rooms wondering what why they couldn’t get pregnant. After our first meeting with the fertility specialist, we were hesitant but decided to move forward. Our first IUI procedure included a round of fertility meds and a trigger shot, which I had to drive to my mom’s to have her administer (little did I know I would become a pro at self-administering shots). This was also our first failed attempt.
They don’t warn you that the disappointment is so much harder after a fertility treatment. Don’t get me wrong, whether you are in the middle of a treatment or not, that monthly reminder that you aren’t pregnant again sucks! But after this first IUI I remember thinking, medically it should work, why wouldn’t it? Hearing that results was disheartening.
Not feeling fully supported after this at our first clinic, we decided to investigate second opinions before moving forward.
Making the decision to switch clinics was a hard decision. We hadn’t been through this before. So many questions ran through our minds. Were we giving up and switching too soon, and we would have to start all over with another doctor? Is this just how it was and we were expecting too much? Were we just being picky?
IUI #2
At our second clinic, we walked in and knew this experience would be different! It was an hour away from our house, but we had heard such great things. This clinic offered their after-hours number (which I used more than I am proud to say) that offered so much peace for clarifying blood results and medicine protocols. The full staff was encouraging, welcoming and we felt they were truly invested in helping us start a family. We decided to give IUI one more try, determined that it would work. When we went in for the procedure my lining was much thicker than the first time and I was so hopeful!
Unfortunately, that also ended in a failed attempt. My husband and I had agreed we would only do two IUIs based on my medical diagnosis of endometriosis. Our insurance covered 0% of fertility procedures and our clinics did not offer financing. At this point, we were over $2,000 invested and knew that if we wanted to do IVF, we needed to put any extra money towards that dream.
That second failed attempt hit me much harder than the first. It was our last chance of pregnancy before IVF and I knew our journey was about to get MUCH more complicated. May to July 2018 was a whirlwind of emotions! I watched friend’s get pregnant and have their babies, and we had another Mother’s and Father’s Day spent childless. That summer was spent at high highs and low lows. It also led to self-discovery of myself and our marriage. Part way through that summer, we knew it was time to move forward with IVF.
Watch for part 2 on the blog as I share about kicking off IVF in October 2018!
My Spool of Life 
❤
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